Two jobs on the table and one you’d rather not take. It sounds like an unlikely scenario given the recent recession and the difficult state of the job market, but it’s one that Jodi Glickman of the Harvard Business Review insists is becoming more common again as the economy starts to pull itself out of the gutter. Turning down an employer is never an easy thing to do, especially if you’re not the type who enjoys confrontation.

For a lot of us, it can be like that terrible grade school moment when you discover a friend’s unreciprocated crush and realize that you’re going to have to tell them “sorry, but no.” And just like you would with a friend, you want to let the employer down easy. Glickman wants to help you do this by making sure you include three specific elements in any “thanks, but no thanks” discussion that you have with a potential employer.

The first is, appropriately enough, a simple thank you to the employer. Common courtesy dictates that you’d give thanks to anyone who offered you something of value in your personal life, regardless of whether you decide to take it. It’s a simple gesture that lets them know their goodwill is appreciated and that you respect them as a person, or in our case, as an organization. 

Your employer is probably also going to want to know your rationale for turning them down. This is the spot where you can get yourself into a lot of trouble if you’re not careful with your words. Many of us may turn down jobs for reasons that may not be socially acceptable or may not be something you can actually say bluntly. Language is extremely important here, and there are ways that you can cushion the impact of reasons that would otherwise be surefire bridge burners.

For example, it’s better to say that you feel you wouldn’t be a good cultural fit for an organization rather than coming out and saying you just don’t like the hiring manager or the employees. Likewise, if the job itself is appealing in the short-term but clearly isn’t going to advance your long-term goals, it’s best to be honest about it. Let them know that while you’d love to join their team, the position doesn’t offer you the kind of experience you need to get to the role you want. Don’t beat around the bush and make it seem as though you think their company is going to hold you back.

Assuming that you’ve said the proper “thank you” and you’ve communicated your reasoning to your employer in a tactful manner, it’s not out of the question to tell them that you’d like to keep in contact with them and be notified of any new opportunities should your situation change.  A job offer that isn’t appealing today, might look a whole lot better tomorrow, and our career goals rarely stay as static as we think they will. 

We spend so much time trying to network already, so it’s absolutely worth the extra few moments it takes to make sure you maintain a good rapport with the organizations you turn down. After all, only action heroes look cool walking away from a burning inferno, and your career isn’t a Hollywood movie. 

Photo: Above photograph used under CC license

Original article appeared in “Turning Down a Job Offer”.